


Reddie - The Dreams We Share

by AlexMac725



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:55:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21757900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexMac725/pseuds/AlexMac725
Summary: As a parting gift, It plagues Eddie with glimpses of Richie's future in the form of a reoccurring nightmare that gets worse the closer the two get. The only way to stop the nightmares is for both boys to come clean about their secrets.Graphic language and possible mentions of eating disorders, depression, repression, homophobia etc.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 19
Kudos: 32





	1. The New Losers Club

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy!! I'm new to writing fanfiction, but I really love these two characters. I don't even know if I'll publish this story. If you're seeing this, it's a miracle.
> 
> Anyway, the losers are all aged up: all ~17/18 and starting their senior year of high school.
> 
> Even though it includes all of the Losers most of the story is focused on Reddie. Aside from them, who is your favorite ship in It? No judgment, just curiosity.
> 
> I wrote this a while ago and am currently working on the end, but I will be editing in response to any attention. So, if you comment the story may follow your suggestions!!!

Eddie had a thought stuck in his mind since he had a particularly weird dream three days ago. Since then, he's had the same dream every night and it was driving him crazy. All he wanted was a decent night's sleep and he didn't care how.

He pulled Richie aside after school that Friday and asked, "Hey, Richie. Are you gay?"

"Whoa, where did that come from? You finally falling for me Eds?"

"What? No. I had a dream and you were marrying some guy. I was curious." Richie pinched Eddie's cheeks and smirked.

"Aww. You're dreaming about me Eds. That's so sweet."

"Shut up, Richie." He started to pull away from him, but Richie quickly slung his arm around Eddie's shoulders and started to lead him back to the Losers waiting beside the bike rack. "You didn't answer my question."

"Wh-wh-what're you guys ta-talking about?" Bill asked once the group was whole again. Richie pinched Eddie's cheeks again which earned him an eye roll.

"Eddie was telling me about the wet dream he had about me."

"Really?" Ben asked.

"No, I wasn't. I thought Rich could help me figure out a reoccurring dream I've been having. That's all." He grabbed his bike, finally breaking away from Richie's grasp and let Bill lead the pack out of the parking lot and down toward the Barrens.

Ben rode beside Eddie and asked, "Why Richie?" Eddie shrugged.

"He's the only one I know for sure is in the dream. Everyone else is blurry. And-" he quieted his voice a little. "the dream reminded me of It. It wasn't scary like the clown, but just something about it- I just knew that I had to talk to Richie. It sounds stupid-"

Stan laughed. "We fought against a killer clown that could shapeshift last summer. A reoccurring dream is nothing compared to that."

Richie started swaying back and forth in front of them, clearly impatient and getting bored of the ride toward their favorite hangout spot, but the Losers were becoming more and more interested in Eddie's dream the more that they talked about it. Bill even started to ride back beside Stan to listen in on what they were talking about.

"Wh-what was the dr-dream?"

"Well, I was gonna tell Richie first since it's about him, but since he's being a prick-"

"Yeah, yeah. Trashmouth Tozier over here," he screamed back at the group, "I really love that you guys are all plotting behind me. That's terrific for my self-esteem."

"What self-esteem?"

"Stan the Man back at it again with the quick quips. You know, you should go on tour with all of your jokes, man."

"We were in a chapel," Eddie ignored Richie and tried to describe the dream to his friends. "It was packed full of people, but Rich was the only one I could see and he was older. Around our parents' age."

"Do I stay sexy?" Yes.

"About as sexy as you are now," Eddie smirked. "Zero percent is still zero percent." Richie turned around and scoffed at him.

"You wound me Eds."

"Back to the dream please." Bev was getting impatient as the group finally got to the Barrens and dropped off their bikes amid the trees.

"Right," Eddie said, "so I burst into the chapel and say, 'Richie'. Then I wake up right before he turns around."

All of the losers were listening to the story, but they were all looking at their feet trying to keep from tripping down the hill to their hideout. None of them noticed their trashmouth stop and stare at Eddie while he was talking until the germaphobe looked up from the bottom of the hill to find Richie frozen.

"Rich, you okay?" He shook his head and his bottle glasses nearly fell off his face.

"Yeah. Always peachy." He followed the others down until they were all sitting on the stones near the creek.

"You said it was like It? Why?" Ben asked, finally breaking the quiet.

"Just the feeling of it," Eddie shrugged. "Something about it felt evil, or at least wrong." Stan laughed to himself.

"I say Richie getting married would feel wrong no matter what."

The group waited for Richie's notorious mom jokes, but it never came. He was starring into the creek lost in his thoughts and Eddie could sense something was off when he sighed. Normally even when Richie is carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders he never keeps things to himself. If anything it's the opposite, so what's got his panties in a twist now?

Eddie sat next to Richie, peeled his shoes and socks off and slowly put his feet into the icy water. Richie just sighed and laid back on the ground and covered his eyes with his arm. The others started whispering behind the pair about school plans, but Eddie and Richie sat in their own bubble content and quiet.

This has become the norm after It. The two of them versus the world.

Richie was still lost in his mind, so Eddie laid next to him. Richie instinctively grabbed Eddie's hand and gripped the smaller boy like a lifeline. That was another norm that Eddie learned to get used to, the constant contact Richie silently begged for.

It's been so long that Eddie's started to feel as if he doesn't walk right without an arm slung across his shoulders. He doesn't eat right without Richie's hand on his arm. He doesn't stay still without Richie's hand in his. They're a package deal now.

"You know what my dream is about, don't you?" Eddie kept his voice down so that only Richie could hear him, but he only groaned in response. "I haven't been able to sleep for almost a week because of this dream. Can't you just tell me?

"Sorry to disappoint, Eds." Neither boy looked away from the gray storm clouds forming above their heads. "I have no idea what you're talking about."


	2. The Rain and the Kitten

Of course, Richie knew why Eddie was having those dreams. Why it was happening now so long after everything happened was beyond him, but he could feel It's parting gift was only going to get worse if he kept his secret from Eddie.

"Damn it." His hands slammed down on his counter and he instantly regretted it as his hands stung from the impact. "Fuck!"

Just like always, his empty house echoed back to him reminding him of his parent's blatant disregard for their only son. The walls of that house serve as a constant reminder that they don't care, but it's not like Richie has anywhere to go. It's already dark outside and showing up at any of the Loser's houses would just mean he's bothering them with his problems. That's the last thing that he wants.

Even still, he grabbed a light jacket and a few dollars for snacks, then slammed the front door behind him as he started his walk around the town. First, he wandered near Stan's house noticing the light in his bedroom window on, but Richie never broke stride as he passed the house, then past Bill's and Ben's. He even wandered downtown and made it to Bev's apartment she shared with her dad and down a back alley to loop back around to his empty house, but halfway through the alley, he heard a small crash behind him.

Richie's blood turned cold remembering the Neibolt house, but he shook his head. That wasn't real. It's dead. The second crash made him turn around, but the tiny meow directly following let Richie release the breath he was holding. He sighed and opened the garbage can to let the cat out and found a tiny black kitten starring back at him with wide green eyes. He reached his hand in and immediately the cat started to purr into his palm, so he picked it up carefully and finally got a good look at the kitten.

It was the size of Richie's hand and he could probably count the bones of the cat. The kitten was still purring and begging for food with those piercing green eyes. It probably got stuck in the garbage can after trying to find some food.

"Aw, baby," Richie whispered, "Come with me. I'll get you some food. Don't worry."

He kept petting the cat as he walked through downtown to get to the pet store he knew was down the street from his favorite arcade. He grabbed some canned kitten food and food bowls, and made a mental note to come back when he has more money, then started on the treck back to his house.

Halfway home, it started pouring and Richie did everything he could to protect his new friend, but both were quickly soaked and the kitten started getting restless in his hands. He looked around the familiar street and his eyes landed on Eddie's window with the light still on. He didn't want to bother him, but the sooner he got the cat out of the rain the better, so he ran to Eddie's porch to escape the rain.

After years of sneaking into the house, Richie knew that Sonia was asleep as soon as the sun sets with the help of sleeping pills. Eddie told him once that once Sonia takes the pills she's dead to the world and nothing could wake her. Hoping that was true, he knocked on the door loudly.

He couldn't hear anything over the rain behind him, but when Eddie opened the door Richie smiled to the smaller boy.

"Richie?" he asked, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the warm house. "What are you doing here?"

He couldn't help the smirk that spread across his face.

"Came to visit your mother. I'm the man of her dreams and it's my job to visit." Eddie rolled his eyes and pulled Richie inside so he could get out of the rain.

"Shut up. What do you want?" Richie pulled his hand out of his jacket holding the kitten and Eddie's breath caught. "Kitty!"

Richie couldn't help his heart skip as Eddie reached out and almost took the kitten but froze. Richie could see his internal conflict of all of the different diseases the cat could be carrying. Richie shivered and Eddie stilled his nerves and grabbed the kitten.

"I'll give her a bath. Go upstairs to my room and grab some dry clothes."

"But, you-" Eddie ran into the kitchen and dropped the kitten in the sink before quickly washing his hands.

"Go, Richie. Before I have an attack."

He smiled at Eddie's back and said, "Rodger, Dr. K."

He left his shoes near the door and made his way through the house that always smelt of disinfectant. Somehow though, it felt safe to Richie as he avoided the fifth step that always creaks. The house, even though it has it's demons, always made Richie feel like someone was looking over him and taking care of him, down to the air he breathes. Whether that is because of the house or his friend living in the house, Richie didn't want to think about it too hard.

Eddie had a small bag in his closet full of Richie's clothes that he had accidentally left at the many sleepovers the losers had. Richie loved to tease him about it, but now he's grateful that he can dry off without stealing the smaller boy's clothes.

He quickly changed into some gray sweatpants and a black Queen t-shirt then went back down to the kitchen where Eddie was quietly whispering to the little black kitten who was sitting in the sink and covered in bubbles.

"You're okay. You're safe. Let's get you all warmed up and we'll get some food in you. We'll take good care of you."

Richie couldn't find anything to say as he listened to Eddie's words, so he just leaned against the doorway of the kitchen and watched.

"We're going to make sure you get better. I promise." We. He keeps saying 'we'.

Richie was hit with the need to hug Eddie. To wrap his arms around him and stay there forever. Shaking his head he fought against his mind's cry for attention and refocused on Eddie's voice that started humming.

"Keep this up and someone's gonna turn you into a housewife." Eddie didn't jump at Richie's voice, but he turned and scrunched his nose. Richie couldn't help himself and pinched Eddie's cheeks lightly. "Cute, cute, cute!"

"Beep beep, Richie." He turned back to the kitten who was looking between the two boys, now completely clean and purring. "Are you going to keep her?"

Richie shrugged and Eddie grabbed a towel from a drawer and started lightly drying the cat. "I don't know. I don't think I'd be a good cat dad." Eddie looked up.

"What are you talking about? Of course you would be a good cat dad." He turned back to the kitten who started playing in the towel. "I think you should keep her. She'll keep you company and won't get sick of your trashmouth." Richie snickered and couldn't help putting his arm across Eddie's shoulders.

"Gee, thanks Eds. You really know how to stroke a guy's ego."

"What ego?"

"You see what I mean? It's truly humbling."

Eddie shook his head and finally set the kitten on the floor, letting her explore the kitchen while he opened the canned food Richie bought.

"I think we should only give her a little bit so that she doesn't get sick." Richie nodded and sighed.

"You see? I never would have thought of that. I would have just put it on the ground and let her eat as much as she could. You should keep her." Eddie scoffed.

"And hide her from my mom the whole time? No. She needs to run and play. That's your specialty." Eddie set a small plate on the ground with a spoonful of food for the kitten so he didn't see Richie's face flush.

Richie swallowed the lump in his throat and whispered, "What if we both took care of her?"

Eddie sat on the floor and leaned against the cupboards with Richie following. "What do you mean?"

"I keep her at my house and you help me take care of her." Eddie looked up at him and their faces both split into huge grins. Their heartbeats sped up in sync as they realized they now have an excuse to see one another.

"Deal."

They sat silently in the kitchen and just watched the kitten start playing with the plate after she licked it clean. Richie smiled to himself and realized that these moments are the only ones where the silence doesn't feel deafening. Eddie is the only person that lets his mind quiet and focus on what's in front of him instead of the constant 'what if's.

"I haven't been able to sleep," Eddie whispered.

"Go ahead. I'm not going anywhere."

Eddie leaned his head on Richie's shoulder and after a few minutes he was breathing deeply and Richie knew that he'd fallen asleep. Steeling his nerves, he quickly kissed Eddie's head and shifted to make the small boy more comfortable on his shoulder. Putting his arm around Eddie's waist he started humming the song Eddie put in his head.

The kitten must have noticed that Eddie was asleep because she climbed into Richie's lap and curled into a ball, officially surrounding Richie with a love he could drown in.

This is what love feels like, he decided. This is what it's like to be in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!  
> Remember: I'm writing as I go, so if you want something in the story make sure to comment and your suggestions might appear in a future chapter.


	3. A Name Worth Celebrating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dream has changed. Why? What happened? What's changed?  
> Why is Richie hiding it from Eddie?

When he woke up, Eddie was surprised for three reasons.

1\. He fell asleep in the kitchen, but he is in his bed, under his blankets with the sunlight streaming through his bedroom window. Something was off though. Something was missing from the room, but he couldn't put his finger on it. 

2\. Richie. He fell asleep on Richie last night after he brought a kitten over to take care of. Now the trashmouth is nowhere to be found, but the half-empty bag in his closet was proof enough that last night did happen and it wasn't a dream.

3\. The nightmare he had last night was longer than the last few times.

Eddie walked through the house to double-check that his mom would never find out the kitten had been there and found the dish he served her food on in the dish strainer and the broom in the wrong corner of the closet. He couldn't hold back a smile as he put the plate away.

He knew that he was the only one Richie was calm around. Richie joked around with the others too much for them to ever see his serious side. After It, Richie attached himself to Eddie more than normal and Eddie hated to say that he loved it, but he did. He loved seeing Richie when he got excited about music or going to the Quarry during the summer. He especially loved it when Richie would just sit with him and grab Eddie's hand without realizing it.

All of the losers knew that Richie was attention-starved, but no one else was allowed to touch Richie like Eddie was. If anyone else grabbed his hand he would jump away and shut down, mumbling an apology and start starring into space. When Eddie grabbed his hand though Richie would sigh like he finally got to take a proper breath.

"Eddie? Did you take your pills this morning?" Sonia's voice stirred him out of his thoughts and he sighed and walked back up the stairs to the bathroom.

"I got it, Ma." He closed his bedroom door behind him and got dressed in his normal shorts, polo, and fanny pack. Even though he never takes any of the pills his ma thinks he does, he could never break the habit of carrying around the little red bag around his middle. It's come in handy too many times for him to leave it, especially with his friends all needing his first aid pack at some point.

"Ma. I'm going out with my friends today," he said walking through the living room to the front door.

"Where are you going?"

"Just out. I'll be okay."

"Eddie-" He held his hand out, cutting her off.

"Not again, Ma. Not today. I'll see you later," he said, shutting the door behind him.

After the storm last night, there was not a cloud in the sky as Eddie grabbed his bike and headed toward Richie's house. The Losers didn't plan anything even though it was a Saturday because everyone seemed to have separate things to do on that particular day.

Stan and Bill were totally not on a date at the mall where no one else was invited, Mike and Ben were at their respective jobs on the farm and in the local library, and Bev was lord knows where to get away from her dad, probably wondering downtown to window-shop.

It only took a few minutes to reach the Tozier house and Eddie immediately noticed that the driveway was empty, meaning Maggie and Wentworth were out at work like normal, so he knocked on the door loudly, knowing that Richie was probably blasting his rock music.

"Eds!" he screamed, holding the tiny black kitten to his chest. "Welcome to the Tozier residence. Please keep your hands inside the car at all times-"

"Beep beep." He stepped through the doorway and grabbed the kitten. "Hey, baby. You like your new home?"

If he had looked up at Richie, Eddie would have seen how his voice had effected the taller boy, but his eyes stayed trained to the kitten in his hands.

"Did Richie feed you yet today?" 

He cleared his throat and said, "I was just about to. Come on in."

Richie led him to the kitchen and did the same thing that Eddie did the night before, setting a small plate with a spoonful of food on the ground for the kitten to eat.

"Are your parents okay with keeping the kitten around?" Eddie asked, sitting on the ground again.

"Yeah. They're okay. Mom wants her name to be Destiny or something very elegant." He fell into his posh British accent which, Eddie has to admit, has gotten better over the years.

"What do you want to name her?"

"Hmm..." He paused for a second and smirked. "Meatball! Based on my favorite Eddie Spaghetti!" Eddie rolled his eyes and slowly picked up the kitten who had finished quickly.

"We'll call it a work in progress."

Richie picked up the plate and set it in the kitchen as Eddie walked to the living room and sat on the couch. Meatball/Name Pending immediately wandered up and down the cushions, too scared to jump down to the floor.

"Hey, Rich? Can we talk about my dream now?" He noticed that Richie stiffened for a second then sat down next to him.

"You still dreaming of my beautiful face?"

"The dream got longer." Eddie could see the dick joke on the tip of Richie's tongue so he held out his hand. "Don't-"

"You're givin' me perfect material here Eds. You really gonna-"

"Beep beep."

"I guess you are." He leaned back against the couch, slinging his arm across the back. He started on his British accent. "Go on. Tell me of your inquiry, Dr. K. 

Meatball/Noname somehow could sense that Eddie needed help getting through the dream, so she climbed across Richie's lap and laid across Eddie's legs. He started petting her and kept his eyes trained on the purring cat.

"It was still in the chapel and I still only saw you, but this time I saw you turn around. You looked terrified and I couldn't tell if you were crying or were on the brink of crying. I called out to you again and tried to get to you, but I couldn't move. Something was holding me back. I don't know if it was someone in the church or it was just- I don't know- dream logic. Then you opened your mouth to say something and I woke up." 

He looked up and tried to figure out what Richie's expression said, but he was stonefaced and staring at the kitten, desperately trying not to look at Eddie.

"Listen," Eddie said, "I don't know why this is happening and I know that you do. Just tell me and then maybe I can finally get some sleep."

"It's keeping you up?" Richie slowly met Eddie's eyes and guilt was pouring out of him. 

"Yeah." Eddie shrugged. "I'll trade you a secret if you tell me what's going on."

"I- I can't do that," he whispered

"So you do know what's happening." It wasn't a question, but Richie nodded anyway.

"I can't. I'm sorry Eds. It's- I can't."

Eddie just sat petting the cat. If it were a year ago he would have screamed at Richie for hiding things from him and how selfish he's being, but he doesn't have the energy to be mad anymore. 

They all went through so much with It and Eddie knows that everyone dealt with it differently. Mike and Bill became overprotective, Bev lashed out, Stan and Ben shut out everything, but out of all of them, Richie absorbed everything that his friends were going through. He listened to them and kept them going without ever complaining about everything he had to go through. During that, he even noticed when Eddie stopped eating and helped him get better. That's why Eddie's letting it go, just this once, but there's only so much that the two boys can handle. This might be too much.

"I think Meatball's a good name." 

"You think?"

"Yeah. I think it's cute." 

The boys sat in silence for a minute, then Richie got up and turned up the radio that was playing some song Eddie didn't recognize but Richie started humming softly as he sat back down. They were connected at the hip on one end of the couch, both petting Meatball as she purred into Eddie's lap. 

The warmth coming from the cat and where the two boys were connected was making Eddie's eyelids droop. He hadn't slept peacefully in over a week and now he had to pay for it.

"Hey," Richie mumbled into Eddie's ear. "You can get some sleep. I'll make sure you don't have any dreams." 

He hadn't even noticed Richie getting closer until he put Eddie's leg across his own and tucked Eddie's head into his neck. Even so, Eddie slowly nodded, feeling Richie's jaw on his forehead and forcing down the instinct to kiss his neck.

"You promise?"

"I- I promise I'll tell you one day." Eddie smiled.

"That's better than nothing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going through this story, I have a lot more written than I thought I did.   
> I can't wait for the responses!!  
> It gets spicy. (Not sexy. Just angsty.)


	4. Is this a Movie Date?

Richie didn't mean to fall asleep with Eddie, but he couldn't help it. With Eddie wrapped under his arms and breathing against his neck, it only took a minute for his eyes to droop. Eddie wasn't the only one who was plagued by the reoccurring dream after all.

Just like always, Richie woke up to the sound of Eddie's voice screaming his name. Just like always, he tried to quickly wipe the tears from his cheeks, but this time it was Eddie's thumb that caught them. He wasn't judging. Eddie's eyes were full of worry for his best friend and Richie smiled as best he could. Eddie pulled Richie into a hug and both nearly broke from the relief that they were here. They were okay.

"What is going on?" He wasn't asking about the dream. He was asking about Richie and he knew it, but Richie only held him for a minute and tried to hold back from more tears leaking down his face.

"It-" Richie sighed. "Remember It feeds off fear?"

"Yeah?"

"I had a dream a few months after we killed It and I was back in the sewer." Eddie's grip tightened and Richie took a deep breath. "Pennywise, he told me that if I didn't face my fears... he would make me. I didn't know what he meant." His voice trailed off and Eddie leaned back to look at him.

"Now you do?" Richie nodded. "Will you tell me?"

He smiled. "That's the fear, Spaghetti."

As if on cue, Meatball meowed at her owners and Eddie looked at his watch. The kitten moved to the other side of the couch and curled into a ball. The boys watched her in wonder and Richie noticed that she looked better even after the one day that she spent with them.

"We were only asleep for an hour. What do you want to do now?"

"I have a few ideas," Richie smiled and winked. Eddie's cheeks flushed and Richie decided that a blushing Eddie is the cutest thing in the world. No contest.

"Beep beep."

"Yeah, yeah." He wrapped his arms back around the boy in his lap and nearly kissed his forehead. "I kinda want to go back to sleep."

"But-"

"I know, but something tells me you'll figure it out soon."

Eddie pretended not to hear Richie's racing pulse, and he sighed.

"You're too stubborn." Richie hummed and pushed Eddie over so they were laying flushed on the couch. Their legs were tangled and Richie's head landed on Eddie's chest.

If anyone walked into the house, they would think that these two were soulmates. They fit together perfectly without question even though they knew something was swinging dangerously over their heads. The minutes passed and neither was going to fall asleep so soon after waking up from their shared dream.

"Eds?"

"Yeah, Richie?"

"I'm sorry."

Richie's eyes were hiding underneath his mop of curls that ticked Eddie's chin, so Eddie started rubbing his back with one hand and running through his curls with the other.

"You don't have to be sorry about being scared."

"Yeah, but it's dumb. It's selfish. I'm being selfish and you're suffering for it."

Eddie smiled and looked up at the white ceiling of the living room. "You really grew up these last few years, you know that? A few years ago, you wouldn't even think to call yourself selfish, especially after everything you did for our friends."

"I didn't do anything."

"We both know that's bullshit." Richie stayed quiet, so Eddie continued. "You would respond to everything as a joke, but now you're still you. You're still Trashmouth Tozier, but you're more open. You talk about what you want instead of what you think we want to hear."

Richie didn't bother to hide the tears in his eyes as he sat up slightly to look at the smaller boy. His heart sped when he noticed how sincere Eddie's eyes were. He believed in every word and it made Richie want to believe in them too.

He opened his mouth, willing himself to tell Eddie everything. Just say it. It's not that scary. But it is. That's why It can feed off of it. He's terrified.

"I- I want to so bad. I want to tell you." Eddie nodded and Richie took his spot back on his chest, reveling in the feeling of Eddie playing with his hair.

"You don't need to answer if you don't want to, but why are you scared of telling me?"

"Your reaction." He didn't need to think about that. There were so many nights over so many years that he can remember excuses for not telling Eddie everything. "I just don't want to lose you."

Eddie laughed and Richie's head bounced along with it.

"You're not going to lose me Trashmouth. You know me better than that. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not."

"Wow. That's some promise Eds." He smiled into Eddie's chest. "What happens when I get more annoying? It's inevitable, you know."

"You'll still be stuck with me. I just might punch you in the face a lot more."

"Fair enough."

Both boys sighed and closed their eyes. Richie listened to Eddie's heart pound and waited for it to slow, but it never did. It seemed that every time Richie shifted or sighed, Eddie's heart would speed. He didn't want to ask why, but he could hear his own heart beating at the same rhythm.

"Eds?"

"Yeah, Richie?"

"I can't sleep now."

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"Can I put on a movie?" Eddie groaned.

"Fine," he said and Richie pulled himself up. "Don't play anything shitty."

"E.T.?"

"Sure."

Richie grabbed the movie and put it in, then froze when he turned back around to Eddie.

His hair is tousled and messier than he normally lets it, but he didn't try to fix it and just stared up at Richie with those dark brown eyes. He couldn't help his heart skip, but Richie ignored the heat in his face and turned on the TV. Then, Eddie was holding his arms out for Richie to climb back on his chest, so he did. He curled into his chest and took a deep breath, reveling in the smell of laundry detergent and vanilla soap that was the perfect blend of Eddie.

"Hey, Richie?" He muffled a grunt into Eddie's shirt. "You never answered me when I asked you if you are gay."

"I guess I didn't," he said, moving his ear against Eddie's heart again. It was going even faster than before. "What about you, Eds? You want a piece of the Tozier cake?"

"Beep beep." Thump thump thump.

"You're hearts going really fast there, Eds."

"That's 'cause you're an embarrassment." Richie laughed quietly and Eddie's heart nearly bounded out of his chest.

"That's my job. As Best Friend, I get to embarrass you as much as I want to." 

"Yes, but as your best friend I feel like it's my job to know if you're gay. Especially if we cuddle like this all the time." Richie looked up worried.

"So, if I am gay I don't get to cuddle with my Spaghetti anymore?"

"No. I just-"

"Cause if those are the conditions, I'll never tell you." Eddie smiled up at Richie and watched as the worry melted off his face.

"And if those aren't the conditions?" Richie scoffed and laid his head back on Eddie's chest. "So, will you tell me?"

"Yes."

"Yes you'll tell me, or yes you're gay?"

"Yes to both."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two bros chilling on a sofa, no feet apart cause they both gay.


	5. The Wear and Tears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie will do anything to protect his friends and that includes standing up to Bowers and his gang. Even if he's scared shitless, it's worth it to him. Eddie's worth every bump and bruise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter specifically has a lot of derogatory slang words as well as descriptions of blood, bruises, and other potentially triggering topics. If you want, you can skip this chapter and you'll be okay. Please be safe and don't read if you're not comfortable with reading about gore. It's not worth it. You have been warned!

The next day, Meatball met the rest of the Losers Club and became the official mascot. Bev made it official by getting her a dark red collar when they went out, but Eddie wasn't allowed to go out with them. His mom had a fit that he had been standing up to her so he was trapped in the house for the rest of the weekend until school on Monday.

The whole day he was clearly avoiding the rest of the losers, but they didn't worry too much. If anyone could fix him it was Richie at lunch. But, until he sat with them-

"I c-c-can't believe you named her M-M-M-Meatball." Bill laughed, playfully pushing against Richie.

"Are you surprised?" Stan said, "Trashmouth is an expert at shitty nicknames."

"Stan the Man out here with the quick quips. Don't blame me. It was Eddie's idea." He smiled up at Eddie who had just sat down at their lunch table and was instantly attacked by Richie's arm being slung around his shoulder.

"It was not!"

"It totally was. Eddie Spaghetti and Meatball. The perfect combination."

Ben laughed into his hand. "That's actually pretty clever, Richie."

He bowed his head dramatically and waved to his friends saying, "Thank you. Thank you. I'll be here all week. Please, no autographs."

"Shut up, Richie," Eddie said taking a bite of his sandwich. Richie looked over at him and, for the first time in days, looked into his tired eyes.

"Eddie are you okay?" Bev asked. She reached over the table and felt his forehead. "You're burning up."

"I'm fine. Just tired."

Ben said, "You can ask the nurse to go sleep-"

"NO!" Eddie's voice made Richie jump. It was too familiar and he couldn't help but tighten his grip on Eddie's shoulder.

"Eddie you have bags the size of states under your eyes," Stan said.

"Did- Did you s-s-sleep last night?" He shook his head and Richie pulled him so that Eddie's head was resting on his shoulder. He lowered his voice so the others couldn't hear his whispers.

"It got worse, didn't it?" Eddie started shaking and nodded into Richie's shirt.

"I can't get to you." Richie couldn't see the tears, but he could feel them on his neck. "I'm stuck and I can't get to you. It's horrible. I can't-"

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

The others knew to keep their mouths shut while Richie worked his magic. They've all been in the same position as Eddie and they knew that if anyone else tried to help he would lash out and it would only make everything worse. But, they also know that Eddie is the only person keeping Richie together, so to see him shriveled up and broken must be heartbreaking.

Out of the corner of his eye, Bill noticed a group of people walking closer to their table. He noticed their boots instantly and whispered, "Richie," forcing him to look up and look at the intruders.

He whispered, "Fuck," and Bill knew it was Bower's gang.

"G-get him out." Richie nodded, but before he could pull Eddie up a hand clamped on his shoulder, pinning him to his seat.

"Look at this, Tozier. Did you finally get yourself a boyfriend?" Bowers laughed, looking down at Eddie who only pressed himself closer to Richie as if he were trying to protect him.

"Did you finally get a haircut? No? Guess you just got uglier then."

Bowers grabbed Richie's shirt and pulled him up, forcing him out of Eddie's arms, then pinned him against the wall, knocking the wind out of Richie. Even though Richie was one of the tallest people in the school, he still had to look up at Bowers to fully see how pissed he looked.

"What the fuck did you say to me, faggot?" Richie laughed and ignored the burning of his lungs.

"Geez, if you wanted to pin me to a wall you could have just asked."

"Richie, just shut up!" Eddie screamed, but it was too late.

Bowers punched him across the face, sending his glasses flying across the lunchroom. Richie tasted metal before being punched again, close to his eye this time and he tried to pull away but his back only pressed harder against the wall.

"Bowers, stop!"

Richie didn't dare to open his eyes, but he could feel someone grabbing his arm and trying to pull him away, but just as he tried to look, Bowers punched him on the other side, meaning someone was trying to separate them and he was getting as many hits as he could before he got dragged away.

In one fluid motion, Bowers lost his grip of Richie's shirt and he slid to the ground. Someone grabbed his cheeks and was whispering his name over and over again, but it seemed like the only thing he could focus on was the taste of blood on his tongue and the searing pain pounding against his head.

"Richie. I need you to look at me, please. Richie, please open your eyes."

"Eds?" He slowly opened his right eye, but the left stayed stubbornly shut. Eddie pushed his glasses onto his face and the world became less blurry.

"I'm gonna walk you to the nurse's office. Okay?"

"M'kay," he mumbled closing his eye again.

"Richie, I need you to keep talking to me. Talk to me about anything."

"M'kay." Eddie pulled him up and Richie tried to look for their friends, but they were nowhere to be seen. "Where did everyone go?"

Eddie started leading him down the hall toward the office, supporting most of Richie's weight as he looked around the room of onlookers. "Principal's office. When Bowers punched you, we all went crazy and attacked his goons."

"But you're still here?"

"I was trying to get you away from him. Plus, I need to take care of you,00 Trashmouth." Richie grunted again. "You shouldn't have pissed him off like that."

"He would have found a reason to break my nose without my help. I just sped the process up."

"Well, I could have gone without the heart attack that's for sure." Richie looked over at Eddie and smiled as crookedly as he could with his face fucked up.

"Were you worried about me Spaghetti?"

"I'm always worried about you Richie," he said, tightening his grip around Richie's hip in an awkward side-hug. "That's my job as Dr. K, right?"

Richie's heart soared hearing his nickname coming from Eddie's mouth, but they had just reached the nurse's office and that meant Eddie wouldn't be the one to help him get fixed up. They knocked on the door to no response, so they opened the office and found the nurse asleep on her desk snoring.

"Should we wake her up?" Richie whispered.

"Are you kidding me? Have you heard the horror stories about when kids would wake her up from her naps?" Eddie shook his head. "I'll take care of you. Come on."

He led Richie to one of the beds and left him to grab bandages and anti-bacterial chemicals he knew she put in the cabinet next to the sink. Filling up his arms and hoping that if he needed anything else he could find it, Eddie went back to Richie and dumped everything on the bed next to him.

"Jesus, Eds. How did you know where to find this shit?"

"I'm magic," he said running into the bathroom to wash his hands then back out to where Richie sat waiting. "Now, come here and don't move."

Eddie cleaned and bandaged him to the best of his ability and Richie sat silently with his eyes closed the whole time. He winced when he cleaned the cuts, but never complained about "the burning of his flesh" like usual.

Eddie tried to ignore the uncomfortable silence, but it only made him worried and angry.

This is the world that they live in where someone as beautiful and amazing as Richie has to suffer at the hands of assholes like Bowers just for existing. It's not right. It's not fair.

He cleaned up Richie's cheeks first that got the most damage. The whole time, the bruises began to swell under Eddie's careful hands so he grabbed ice and slowly pressed it against his face, cupping his cheeks as gently as possible. Then, once the ice started to bite into his hands, he pulled it away and started wrapping up his cuts.

He tried to ignore the cut on Richie's lip because he couldn't help himself from dragging his thumb across his chapped lips, but he snapped out of the fantasy and cleaned that cut last. 

"Done," he breathed. Richie's eyes fluttered open and Eddie suddenly realized how close he was standing, but he couldn't bring himself to move away. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm fine, Dr. K," he smiled, moving all of the carefully placed bandages. "Thank you."

Eddie couldn't help but smile at his idiot. He sat on the bed next to him and wrapped his arms around Richie to hug him.

"Answer me honestly." Eddie took a breath. "Why did you do that?"

"I didn't want you to get embarrassed." He didn't even think about his answer before he said it. "I know you hate crying and it would only get worse if Bowers saw you. There was no way I was letting that happen."

Eddie laughed into his shoulder, trying to hide the tears.

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

"At least I've got a good doctor who can patch me up, huh?"

"Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know whether to have them interact with the losers more and spread out the Reddie a little more or just go ham and skip to the cute stuff with a little less character interaction. 
> 
> Pros and Cons. Please help!! What do you want to read about?


	6. The Scooby Gang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie's nearly had enough and it's time for him to bring in the big guns to figure out these dreams. Unfortunately, the Losers might be a little too on the nose and figure out something that Eddie was trying to hide from himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing for six characters is hard, man. This was probably the hardest chapter to write so far. I hope that you like it.
> 
> Happy 2020!!!

Even though Eddie wasn't involved in the fight and Richie only served as a punching bag, they all got in-school-suspension for the rest of the week. They got different staff members so they didn't talk the whole time, so it was Richie, Bill, and Stan in one room with three of the Bowers gang, then the rest in the other room.

In Miss June's room, Bill wrote the whole time while Richie and Stan studied. A similar thing was happening in the other room with Bev just staring out the window while Ben and Eddie studied.

The Bowers gang just sat and waited for their leader to do something, but he couldn't think of anything to do that wouldn't immediately kick them all out of school. So in the two rooms, they all sat and waited for a full week of boredom on both sides.

As the week progressed, the Losers tried to ignore the growing tiredness that always followed Richie and Eddie around. With Richie it was easy because the more tired he got, the more energy he seemed to have, but Eddie was another story.

They would watch Eddie walk into the school with a dead look in his eyes and prayed that Richie would find a way to fix it like he did everything else, but that didn't seem to be working. Bill and Stan couldn't even remember the last time that he saw Richie and Eddie in the same room, so they were just hoping that they would both be okay.

Bev had given Eddie some makeup to wear to make the bags seem less intense, but there was no possible way for the concealer could cover the way his eyes were resting half-open or the way he hunched over in every class. He'd only gotten more irritated as the days passed and, just like the Losers worried, started to eat less.

It was a full circle of complete misery for him, but instead of screaming and pounding his fists against Richie's chest to get answers as he would have years ago, he tried to wrap his sleep-deprived mind around the dream.

Every night, another second would be uncovered in his mind, but it was never enough to put the whole picture together. Then, he would wake up screaming Richie's name and not be able to sleep for the rest of the night. It was a horrible cycle that he was desperate to end, so he kept racking his mind to figure out what was happening.

He almost asked Richie at school if asking the Losers for help would be cheating, but decided against asking at the last second. If he said no, Eddie would never figure it out, so he made a plan with everyone to meet at the quarry on Saturday and try to solve Richie's puzzle.

"So, let me get this right," Bev said, starting to pace around the clearing. "Richie knows why you're not sleeping and he won't tell you?"

"Yes."

"And you want us to help you figure it out."

"Yes?"

"W-w-what are you g-g-getting at, Bev?"

"What if he doesn't want us to know about it?" Ben asked, "What if Eddie's the only one who's supposed to know?"

"Exactly."

Stan laughed. "I hate to tell you guys this, but Richie's an open book. He never shuts up about anything. I can't even imagine him having a secret from me let alone Eddie and the two of them are attached at the hip."

Eddie didn't have the energy to argue, so he just nodded.

"Richie kept all of our secrets when we went to him for help," Mike said. "It might not be hard for him to put his secrets in the same box. If anything, that would mean his secrets were even better protected than ours."

"The f-f-fewer people know, the better." Bill nodded and Eddie sat on a rock trying not to look like a pouting child.

"I'm telling you guys. He told me himself and I need help. Please, Bev."

She sighed and sat next to him on the ground.

"Go on then. What's wrong?" He smiled and looked around.

They were in a circle, Stan and Ben standing while the others leaned on logs or sat on the rocks that covered the ground. They all nodded, encouraging him to start.

"The dream."

"The same dream as before?" Mike asked when he didn't go on.

"No. Every night it gets longer and clearer like I'm getting closer to figuring it out, but I can't quite see the whole picture yet." Eddie paused and Stan sighed.

"Well? What's the dream?"

"Oh. Right." He looked down at his shoes and took a breath.

"It's the same as before. It starts with me breaking into the chapel and I'm screaming for Richie. I think I'm crying because everything has that hazy look to it, but I can't tell. Richie's the only thing that I can focus on and he has his back to me. Then I get halfway to him and someone grabs me. So, I call out to him again and he finally turns around and he's crying too. Then I say, 'This isn't right. You need to tell me something. I need to tell you something too, but It's holding our tongues.'"

Eddie didn't look up, but he could feel the stares from his friends. He wished that Richie was here too. He would hold Eddie's hand and help him get through the story without crying, but he isn't, so Eddie tried to bite back the tears on his own without much success.

"Something's still holding onto me and I try to get to Richie and he takes a step away from the altar toward me when the person he's standing with grabs his arm. I thought they were a man at first, but it's hard to tell. Whoever they are, they pin Richie's arm's behind him and whisper something to him that I can't hear, but he starts crying harder, so I scream for him again. Then, I wake up when he starts screaming."

When Eddie finished he heard the scuffling of Bill starting to pace. The others sat silently until Ben said, "Call me crazy, but this is really straight forward for one of It's plans."

"What? How so?" Mike asked.

"'It's holding their tongues.' I think it just means that they're scared to tell each other something. I don't think it has some big meaning behind it. Pennywise loved to play games with us and never made them particularly hard to figure out. It seems weirder to me if it did have a double meaning."

"But I've always told Richie everything," Eddie sighed, "He's my best friend."

Bev moved closer to him and put her arm around him to provide as much comfort as possible, but it just felt wrong. Damn, he needs to sleep.

"Eddie?" Ben whispered sitting on the other side of him and nodding for Bev to walk away. "I'm going to ask this as nicely as I can and I don't want you to get mad okay?"

"Okay?"

"What is the one thing that you've never told anyone? Was it something that you've never wanted to find out yourself, but couldn't help it?"

"What? No. I've never-" _I wanted to kiss Richie._ "Fuck."

_I wanted to kiss him when I went to his house... and in the nurse's office... and probably a million times before then. Why am I just figuring this out now? What is happening?_

_No. It can't be. I love Richie like- he's my best friend. I can't be in love with him. No. But-_

"Fuck." He stood up and tried to ignore the stares. "FUCK!"

"Eddie! W-what's wrong?"

"He was right. That asshole was right." He couldn't tell if he was laughing or crying, but in his sleep-starved mind, he didn't care. "He was waiting for me to figure it out, not because he was scared of what he felt, but he was scared of my reaction. That asshole!"

"Eddie!" Bev's voice brought him back to the Quarry. "What'd you figure out?"

"I-I think- I think Richie loves me."

"Yeah?" Stan said, "We all love you. We all love Richie too."

"No, I mean, I think he's in love with me."

"What?" They all said, turning to look at each other.

"You're talking about Richie 'Trashmouth' Tozier, right?" Stan said, "The man notorious for making dick and Mom jokes. You think that he's in love with you?"

"Is R-R-Richie even g-gay?"

"I don't think it matters," Mike shrugged as Eddie whispered "Yes."

"If you genuinely love someone it really doesn't matter what gender or race or anything. If you fall in love with someone it's normally because of their personality, not because they fulfill some checklist," Ben said while Eddie hid his face in his hands.

"I'm too tired to deal with this shit," he mumbled and Bev rubbed his back.

"When was the last time you got a decent night's sleep?"

Eddie thought for a second and laughed. "When I was at Richie's house."

"Maybe you should go and talk to him," Ben said, "At least you can try to get some sleep when you get there."

"We can r-r-ride you over. I-If you want."

"No, it's okay. I'll go. I just- I don't know what I'm gonna say to him."

No one knew what to say, so Bev just kept rubbing his back as Eddie's mind raced.

"I hate to be that guy," Stan said, making everyone look at him. "But do you love him too?"

Eddie looked up at him and tried to say yes, but all he could manage was: "I-I don't-"

"Hey." Ben grabbed his shoulder. "You don't need to figure it out right now. The first thing you need to do is talk to Richie about the dream and get some sleep. Then you can start thinking straight."

Stan snickered, earning a punch from Bill, but Eddie just nodded slowly.

"Just talk to him. I can do that. No problem." _I'm fucked._


	7. Step One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I figured it out," he whispered. "You said I would and I did."
> 
> Richie tried to ignore the pounding in his ears as he smiled. "I never doubted you, Eds."
> 
> "I don't know if I'm right."
> 
> "Do you think you are?"
> 
> "I hope so." He smiled and Richie caught his breath.

Richie wouldn't admit this to Eddie, but he was right about Meatball.

His parents love him, but they aren't normally home while he is, so there are a lot of days where he's just trapped in the house by himself. To have a kitten to play with and spoil rotten has made his last week of isolation and sleepless nights seem like he was a normal kid with normal problems.

He spent all morning playing with Meatball until she got tired and stubbornly refused to play. So, he picked her up and held her against his chest as she looked around the house. Richie nearly sat on the couch before he heard a knocking on the door. He set Meatball on the cushions and smiled as she curled back into a tiny black ball of fur to sleep.

He opened the door and his smile got wider. "Hey Eddie Spaghetti, what's-" His heart shattered.

The bags under Eddie's eyes had only gotten worse since Richie had last seen him a few days ago. He was clutching his stomach and lost all color in his face. Tears started flowing down his cheeks and Richie immediately reached out to wipe them off.

"Richie," he sighed and smiled.

"Oh my God. Are you okay?" The frail boy shook his head. "Have you eaten?"

"I don't know. I don't remember."

"C'mon. We're gonna try, okay?" He grabbed Eddie's hand and led him through the house to the kitchen. He grabbed grapes from the fridge and filled a bowl. Then, he sat silently as Eddie finished them.

Some of the color returned to his face, but it was still a sickening pale when he handed the bowl back.

"Do you want more?" He shook his head again.

"I'm so tired Richie."

Richie nodded and grabbed his hand again to encourage him to move.

There was no way he was moving Meatball off the couch, she's too stubborn and would meow until she got back in her spot, so he walked to his bedroom.

Eddie didn't say anything as Richie guided him to the bed and sat him down. He didn't even move when Richie got on his knees and helped him take off his shoes, but before Richie could stand up again, Eddie pressed his forehead against Richie's.

"I figured it out," he whispered. "You said I would and I did."

Richie tried to ignore the pounding in his ears as he smiled. "I never doubted you, Eds."

"I don't know if I'm right."

"Do you think you are?"

"I hope so." He smiled and Richie caught his breath.

"Maybe you should sleep before you tell me what you think it is."

"You haven't been sleeping either." Richie shook his head slightly and Eddie backed away from him. "Come here then."

Richie nodded and followed Eddie underneath the blankets. He tucked Eddie's head under his chin and felt him melt into his arms in a second.

"Richie?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared to go to sleep."

"Me too Eds, but I need you in tip-top shape so we can have a grown-up talk later." Eddie's shoulders shook in a silent laugh.

"How do you always make things better and worse at the same time?"

"It's a gift." He smiled into Eddie's hair and lowered his voice to a near whisper. "Now, please sleep."

"Okay," he sighed and Richie started playing with his hair. Within a minute, Eddie was breathing deeply against his chest.

Richie didn't try to sleep and just laid playing with Eddie's hair thinking. 

_If he figured it out why did he say he hoped he was right? Wouldn't he try to run from me as far as he could get if he actually knew? Why is he here if he knows I love him shouldn't he be freaking out by now? Isn't that normal for Eddie? Why is he so calm?_

No matter what he tried, Richie couldn't shut his brain up, so he tried to just enjoy the moment he was in. He twisted his fingers through Eddie's hair and tried to think back to when Eddie wouldn't let Richie sit next to him for fear of germs. That was so long ago now and after the sewers, Eddie didn't say anything about Richie's clinginess. He even noticed that Eddie would sometimes lean into him if his arm wasn't resting across his shoulders. 

None of the other Losers said anything about Richie's instant need to be around Eddie all the time and just assumed that it was part of him coping with his own problems. He wouldn't let any of them touch him when he needed attention. They had to get Eddie and sometimes even hunt him down to finally get Richie to calm down. It's gotten better, just like everyone else, but here laying in Richie's bed with Eddie snoring peacefully, he could ignore all of it and pretend that nothing was broken. 

As the minutes passed with Eddie asleep, it was becoming harder for Richie to stay awake, so he decided to rest his eyes too. Then, Eddie started jumping and pushing against him. He started whimpering and Richie grabbed him, trying to wake him up from the nightmare.

"Richie," he sobbed. "Richie!"

"I'm right here. Open your eyes, Eddie! Wake up!" He shook Eddie and held his breath until his brown eyes opened up to look up at him. "Are you okay?"

"Does it look like I'm okay?" Richie wiped the tears from his cheeks and sighed.

"I'm sorry. I thought that if you figured it out-"

"I must have been wrong," Eddie shrugged.

"Can I ask what you thought it was?"

He looked down and Richie took that as 'I need a hug but I'm too stubborn to ask for one.' He wrapped Eddie in the blanket and slung his arm around him.

"I just-" Eddie started. "I thought I was right and I thought- I hoped it would stop and I would never have to see you at that damn church again. I don't even understand why it hurts so much. I think it's just cause I can't get to you, but why? Why me?"

"Eds, I-"

"I thought you were in love with me." Richie's heart dropped. "I thought that was the big secret and the thing It was holding over your head, but if it's not that then I can't figure it out. I don't know why-"

"It is," Richie whispered.

Eddie pulled away from him to look into his eyes. "What?"

"I knew you could do it, Spaghetti. You got it on your first guess." Richie's eyes were blocked by his insanely large glasses, but Eddie still tried to find his raised eyebrow or sparkling eyes, something to tell him it was only a joke. He was just teasing.

"Wait, really? You're not kidding me right now." Richie smirked.

"Why would I kid about something like this?"

"Umm, because you're Richie Tozier. You've been joking about this stuff since we were five. You even called me 'my love' last year."

"Like I said, Eds, I would never kid about something like this to you."

"You've been in love with me-"

"Since I met you? Yeah."


	8. Fighting Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, you're in love with me?" Richie nodded. "You've been in love with me since we were kids. " He nodded. "Your biggest fear is me finding out and reacting to it."
> 
> "Yeah," he breathed and Eddie sighed.
> 
> "Jesus Christ, Richie. You could have just told me and then we wouldn't have to do this."

They sat in silence for a moment, staring into each other's eyes and not daring to move for fear of shattering the air around them. Then, Eddie leaned forward, once again claiming his spot in Richie's arms and melting into a comfortable position for him to fall asleep in. He listened to the beat of Richie's heat and the sounds of his breath but was focused on Richie's hands that found their way to his hair again.

Neither of them said anything and Eddie could swear Richie was listening to his thoughts as he kept rubbing circles into his hair. Then, he pulled away to look at Richie and found him looking more scared than Eddie had ever seen him.

This was his biggest fear, being rejected and tossed aside by the people he loves, by Eddie. He was ripping apart at the seams and he was unbelievably sorry for everything that Eddie had to go through for them to get here. He was apologizing for every late night and every bag under Eddie's eyes without making a sound and Eddie heard him as clear as day, but that didn't make him suddenly rational. If anything, the overwhelming emotions were adding to the sleep deprivation to cause Eddie to start freaking out.

"So, you're in love with me?" Richie nodded. "You've been in love with me since we were kids. " He nodded. "Your biggest fear is me finding out and reacting to it."

"Yeah," he breathed and Eddie sighed.

"Jesus Christ, Richie. You could have just told me and then we wouldn't have to do this. You could have avoided getting beaten up by Bowers and his gang and all of the worrying. It's so frustrating. You could have been seriously hurt and you didn't even care. You just cared that I was crying and you were protecting me like a stupid knight in shining armor. Jesus, I was a damsel in distress. That's so embarrassing." He didn't know what he was saying, but this is how Eddie sorted through things, he just talked until someone else jumped in.

As he talked, Eddie started to go faster and Richie could tell he would work himself into a panic attack if he kept going, but he couldn't bring himself to stop him.

He deserved this.

He deserved being yelled at by his best friend for falling in love with him. That was Richie's fault and that is why Pennywise knew he could feed off of them. He knew that Eddie would never feel the same and be able to live off of Richie's hatred and fear for the next 27 years if he wanted to.

"Richie, you don't need to be scared of me. I wouldn't hurt you like that. You should know me better than that. I just- I don't want to tell you that I love you too while I'm freaking out and still half asleep. I mean, Ben was right. It said we have something to tell each other and-"

"Wait a second." Richie grabbed his hands and stared up at Eddie who quickly hid his eyes behind his hair. "You- what did you say?"

"Ben was right?" Richie laughed and pulled on Eddie's hands forcing him to look at him.

"The other thing."

"I- I don't want to tell you that I love you while I'm sick and tired."

"Why not?"

It was Eddie's turn to laugh as he turned his hands around and laced them together. "I don't know. I'm too scared, I guess."

"It's terrifying, isn't it?"

"Embarrassing too. Why would anyone do this?"

"Well, I was apparently hiding it very well until my hand was forced. If I knew that was your reaction I probably would have told you a long time ago."

Eddie nodded and they just sat together frozen in time with their hands intertwined. Nothing could pull them apart and the world could have ended, but it wouldn't matter because they were here. They were together and nothing, not even Pennywise could scare them apart again. Then, Eddie yawned and they both snapped back into reality.

"Do you think we'll be able to sleep now? Ben said that we just needed to tell each other a secret and It would go away." Eddie said, not wanting to seem scared of the chapel, but Richie could see through it.

"I don't know. We can try though."

Eddie nodded and Richie let go of his hands to pull them both under the blankets and pull Eddie into his chest again. With Eddie's arms around him, Richie started to play with his hair and hummed to try to make sure that the smaller boy would fall asleep, but they both were fighting their drooping eyes to try to hold onto this moment for a little longer. Then, they fell asleep only to find themselves back into the chapel that they both despised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortest chapter I've ever written. I think it's fitting though because neither of them can think and are on the verge of collapse. The next chapter is when things get really interesting.


	9. Spaghetti and Meatball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You need to eat, Eddie." Richie kissed his forehead and pushed him up. "C'mon. I'll make you your favorite."
> 
> "Breakfast in bed?" Richie looked down at Eddie who was already looking at him with puppy-dog eyes.
> 
> "You're too cute."

Richie woke up to the feeling of something rough rubbing against his cheek. At first, he thought it was Eddie, then he heard Meatball's purring as she licked his face awake. It took a minute to realize he was conscious with his bedroom being pitch black, but when he tried to sit up, a weight was holding him to the bed as it laid across his chest.

He turned his bed lamp on and smiled down as Eddie winced at the light.

"It's too early," he moaned and Richie laughed, petting Meatball so she would stop attacking his face with kisses.

"Eds, we just slept the whole day away." Eddie looked up slowly and nuzzled deeper into Richie's chest.

"Don't care. Still tired."

"You need to eat, Eddie." Richie kissed his forehead and pushed him up. "C'mon. I'll make you your favorite."

"Breakfast in bed?" Richie looked down at Eddie who was already looking at him with puppy-dog eyes.

"You're too cute." He pinched his cheeks and sighed. "Fine, but don't fall asleep while I'm gone."

"No promises," he said as he sat up and started petting Meatball who had found another target to bombard with kisses until she got enough attention. Richie smiled back at them and let himself indulge in domestic dreams before leaving to go to the kitchen.

He quickly made a grilled cheese sandwich that he cut in half and two small bowls of tomato soup. Richie didn't know how much Eddie had eaten and didn't want to overwhelm him, but if he needed to make another sandwich for himself that would be amazing. He grabbed spoons and balanced the food in his arms as he walked back up the stairs to Eddie who was in the same spot but Meatball had made a new home on his lap in a ball.

"Hey," he said as Richie handed him the bowl, "Thank you."

"Anything for my Spaghetti."

"I realized something." He ignored the nickname and took a bite of soup. "That was the first real night's sleep I've had since the sewers."

"Since then?"

"Yeah. I always had nightmares and had fitful sleep until the chapel dreams started. Then I couldn't sleep at all."

"Sorry." Eddie grabbed his hand and smiled.

"It wasn't your fault. Nothing about that was your fault." Eddie laughed to himself and took another bite. "You know what was my fault though? I accidentally told all of the losers you are in love with me."

Richie nearly spit out his soup. "You what?"

"I needed help figuring it out and- um-"

"Oh, Stan's gonna hold this over my head for the rest of my life." Eddie laughed and playfully pushed Richie's shoulder.

"Shut up, Richie. No, he won't."

"Yes, he will. Him and Bev both."

"I'll protect you. It'll be fine."

Richie didn't bother to hide his smile as Eddie continued to eat. He drank all of his soup and nearly all of his half of the grilled cheese sandwich and Richie called that a win. He finished the rest of Eddie's as well as his own so that Eddie didn't feel guilty about food still being on his plate.

"What do we do now?"

"I should probably go home," Eddie said not moving from his spot and continuing to pet Meatball. He didn't want to go and Richie knew it. He hated his house and hated the feeling of his mother standing above him all the time, shadowing everything he did.

"Or you could call her and tell her you're staying here tonight."

"She'll kill me, Richie."

"It's already almost midnight. I think she would be more relieved that you're okay and staying with someone than going home in the dark at this hour." Eddie sighed and nodded slowly. "I don't want to move while she's being so cute."

"I have that problem every day. When I get home from school and sit on the couch, she comes over and lays on my lap until my legs fall asleep. I've learned not to sit down until I'm sure I'm not getting back up for a while." He reached out and pet Meatball behind the ears. Her purring only got louder as both of them showered her in attention and love.

"I told you, you would be a good cat dad."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. She reminds me of you. Too cute for her own damn good."

"Shut up." The room fell silent for a moment as Richie smiled at the kitten who continued to wiggle under Eddie's hands. Then, they both heard a banging on the door coming from downstairs that sent a chill down their spines.

"Who could that be? Didn't you say it was almost midnight?" Eddie asked.

"It's probably just one of the Losers." They would have just let themselves in since his parent's cars weren't in the driveway. Something's not right. "Stay here."

Eddie scoffed. "Fat chance."

He lifted Meatball off his lap and carried her as they made their way down the stairs and to the front door. He set her on the couch and grabbed Richie's hand before they opened the door slowly.

"Hello?"

Standing on his porch was Sonia Kaspbrack still in her robe from home. Her hair was in curlers and when Eddie saw his mom he dropped Richie's hand and stepped in front of him

"Ma? What are you-"

"Eddie, finally, I found you. Come on we're leaving. We're going home."

"What? Wait. I-" He looked over at Richie who smiled.

"It's okay. You should go home. If you need me just call." Eddie shook his head and turned back to Sonia.

"I can- I- I don't-"

"Eddie? Are you feeling okay? Come on, we need to go home. I'll take your temperature." She reached for his forehead and he backed into Richie to avoid her hands. "Eddie? What's gotten into you?"

"I-"

"Go," Richie whispered, "I'll see you tomorrow at school."

"But-"

"I know. You need to keep her happy though if you ever want to leave the house again."

Eddie sighed and tried to ignore the strange look his mother was giving him. "Fine. If you need me-"

"I know."

Eddie looked down and saw that he had grabbed Richie's hand when he backed up. Richie was rubbing circles into his palm to calm him down behind their legs to hide it from Sonia. If she saw that, he would definitely never be able to see Richie again.

He would never let that happen in a million years.

"Okay." He turned back to his mom. "I'm sorry I didn't call. Can we go home?"

"Of course." She pulled his arm all the way to the car, then got into the driver seat. Eddie watched as Richie waved at him from the doorway, smiling like a fool in love.

He was sure that the same smile was plastered on his face even as his mother screamed about the danger of the outside world. It didn't matter. All that mattered was Richie's smile and the fact that he would see him tomorrow after a full night's rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> World's biggest cockblock award goes to Sonia Kaspbrack.
> 
> So... do we end it here or do we write an epilogue? Or we write another chapter of pure fluff... Hmm.   
> It is undecided.


End file.
